Autumn Nights

Sometimes it feels as though my favourite season changes as often as I've gone through them. Summer, the season of the warmer days and of my birthday. Spring, a time of refreshment and of new tadpoles. I never seem to like winter much but snow days and snowball fights are always fun, not to mention Christmas.

But I'm pretty sure that overall autumn is my favourite. As it starts, you feel the need for organization because of school. It's a rare thing for me to keep organized but when it happens I really, really like it. I just love it. Also, I like the temperature range in which most of its days fall. It's cool in the mornings and in the evenings, and it warms up through out the day. It's never too cold to wear a t-shirt, but it's never so warm that you can't where a sweater, or even a coat if you want. Good weather for skateboarding! I like the colours that come out during this time. The colour scheme seems to be filled with rich, earthy browns, and beautiful warm reds, oranges, and yellows. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I think that autumn colours probably match me best. I wish it could be autumn all the time and that I could live in a house at the end of the road in the picture.

So this autumn night I've been doing a lot of thinking. This past week has been really weird. It's like I'm trying to piece together what I'm supposed to do with my life, not that that's truly doable in that much time.

First there's the thought of a life centered around art (after Jesus of course), possibly an art teacher? Well, I don't really think I care enough about that to spend the majority of my time teaching, doing, and marking art. I don't think there's enough community involved in that kind of job for me.

Earlier, as I was writing about autumn colours, I left to go look for an old book (yes, I do my research). I think that it was entitled Color Me Beautiful, but the search was without success. In the process of looking through my dad's many books, I found an old book written in 1987 titled Why Suicide? by Jerry Johnston. I picked it up because I took interest in the title. I spent the past hour reading through several pages through out its different chapters.

It made me think of my friend who I mentioned in the previous post. How I don't know if she's suicidal but I know she's not in a good place. How I think one of her ex boyfriends committed suicide, although I don't think that was how his death was officially labeled.

I was talking to a good friend today about her, of how I care for her, how I'm praying, and how I wish I knew more people like her. She suggested that maybe I should be a counselor, which is kinda funny because she's in the process of doing just that.

I don't know. In someways, I think I would really enjoy that kind of job. I thrive on deep conversations and getting to know people personally like that. But then I think of how it would probably be hard listening to so many broken stories. How would that affect a person?

And I've probably said similar things this before but I'm struggling to feel motivated about school work because I feel so short-sighted about where it's all going. I would just like to see the bigger picture, see the purpose more clearly. Like my math class. I'm still doing it because number 1, God told me to stick with it. Second, I'm hoping that I'll learn how to get down to business when it comes to doing things you just don't care that much about anymore. I think next semester I'll have to switch my calculus for something else. It's the hardest math course in high school and if I can't keep up with it, it will bring down my average a lot, especially because I'll only have three classes then.

Oh well, it's really late. By the way the time it says things are posted is always earlier than it really is. Wrong time zone or something.

I am tired! Goodnight!